I Think You Have Too Much Tension in the Morning

So said a tuk tuk driver to Francis yesterday. He stopped us on the street to warn us that the road was closed for a political rally. "You can not go that way. It's not safe." He turned us around and sent us in another direction - only to pull up alongside us a few minutes later to tell us we were still headed in the wrong direction and the park we were going to was closed. Francis called BS, so the driver said "Get in & I will take you there. I will show you. Then you will believe me. Lucky money. Only 10 rupee. You must relax. I think you have too much tension in the morning." He drove us in a circle, pointed to a gate and said "See, closed." We smartly got out, paid him the 10 rupee and walked away. The park wasn't closed, and the political rally was far from dangerous. There were noise makers and peanuts and face painting and much laughter and happiness. Too bad Mr. Tuk-Tuk driver wanted to prey on the fears of Westerners and make baby Krishna cry. Good on Fran for listening to his BS detector.

The "It's closed" scam is something the travel guides warn about. However, there are many other important things they fail to mention or don't properly explain.

Spitting. There's a lot of spit in India. At least they provided a spit bin at the Botanical Gardens. Notice my sweet action shot.

Mothballs. Almost every bathroom is "freshened" with mothballs in the sink. I'd rather smell urine.

The Beds. Indian beds are hard - I mean really, really, impossibly hard.

Public urination. You're not supposed to smoke in public, but if you're a man you can whip it out pretty much anywhere and whiz on a wall.

Other Ways to Mark Your Territory. Take note of the last picture in this post. People's names, initials, etc. are carved into most every tree, monument, wall, bench, statue, immovable object in India.

Pollution. Not sure why I bothered to quit smoking when I'm inhaling just as much carbon monoxide simply by breathing the air. The pollution turns your skin a lovely shade of grey. I almost puked when I washed my clothes. Which brings me to...

The Laundry Situation. I have yet to see a washing machine or hear of one being used in India- anywhere. Laundry is hand-done and relatively expensive (25-75 cents or up to $1 per piece). I suppose the high cost is due to the labor intensiveness. And it's rather humid in India, so it takes at least 2 days and sometimes 4 to dry anything. A bit of a predicament for the migrant monkeys who must now plan the migrations around laundry and clothes drying.

Proper Attire. No joke. No one wears shorts or tank tops or skirts above the ankle. The guide books claim the same about SE Asia, but it's just not true. And man oh man the sweater vest is alive and well in India.

Gender Issues. I'm not sure where they're hiding the women. There seems to be 20 men for every woman you see on the street. And although I seemed to draw some attention the first few days of the trip - now I'm mostly ignored. No one really speaks to me. Questions and comments go straight to Francis. This means he has to work a little harder than I do.

These are some of the things about India that give me tension. And then I sit down with a cup of chai or pass a monkey on the street or exchange a head waggle with an Indian woman or catch a whiff of nag champa or experience some yummy food like dosa - and the tension melts away.